THE UNSELFISH MARRIAGE

Aug 18, 2014 The Unselfish Marriage   “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.” (Philippians 2:4 NLT) Marriage gives you many opportunities to make adjustments in your life. Change happens all the time — from the changing stages of your children to moves to job changes to illnesses. When circumstances change in your lives, both you and your spouse will have to make adjustments to keep your marriage on track. In fact, simply being two imperfect people building a life together requires making adjustments for one another. Marriages that grow will always demonstrate the ability to make adjustments for one another. At its core, it’s really about being unselfish. Learning to become less selfish is one of the greatest lessons of life. It might be the most important lesson God wants to teach you through your marriage. How do you become less selfish and make positive adjustments for your spouse in your marriage? Think about what your spouse needs most. The Bible says, “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too” (Philippians 2:4 NLT). Unfortunately, often the longer we’re married the less we think about our spouse’s needs. The Bible says we should be concerned about everyone’s needs more than our own. That’s particularly true in our homes. Submit to one another. To adjust to your spouse, you have to submit to him or her. That simply means giving up what you really want in order to meet your spouse’s needs. Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Some men think their wives should do the adjusting in their marriage because they are the spiritual leaders of the home. But being a leader means husbands should lead the way in service in their homes. Make adjustments in the little things. Maybe it means arriving a little bit later or leaving a little bit earlier. Maybe it means going to bed a little bit later or a little bit earlier. Maybe it means going to the movie or restaurant your spouse wants to go to. Maybe it means listening when your spouse needs you to listen and not just when you want to listen. It’s in those little daily decisions to adjust and meet each other’s needs where genuine love is expressed. The test of your love toward your spouse isn’t what you say about your love. It’s how you demonstrate that love. Treat your mate as Jesus would. If you make that one decision, it changes everything. The definition of mature love is to treat other people as Jesus would. Jesus is our best example when it comes to love. “This is how we know what love is: Christ gave his life for us” (1 John 3:16a GNT).  You’ll spend the rest of your lives trying to apply that to your marriage, but your marriage will be incalculably better as you try. Talk It Over What is one adjustment you’ve seen your spouse make in your marriage that has meant a great deal to you? Have you told your spouse how much you appreciate that adjustment? What’s one adjustment you could make this week as an act of love for your spouse? How does treating your spouse as Jesus would change how you view your marriage? Remain Ever Blessed. Jesus Christ Is Lord!

God Is on Your Side

God Is on Your Side
by Rick Warren

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and
the power to do what pleases him.” Philippians 2:13 (NLT)

No matter what you’re going to face this next week, you’re not going to face it alone. God is with you, he is in you, and he is for you.

Philippians 2:13 says, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him” (NLT).

“God is working in you.” The word “working” in Greek is the word energos, from which we get the word “energy.” God is the energy driver in your life. You’re not just going on willpower. You’re not just going on your own power. God says he will give you the power you need, no matter what you’re facing.

Not only is he in you, he is with you. The Bible says, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you” (John 14:18, 20 NIV). That’s quite a promise! The Bible says Christ is in you; the Bible says you’re hid with Christ in God; and the Bible says you’re sealed with the Holy Spirit. That means for the devil to get to you, he’s got to get through the Trinity! That’s a pretty good protection. That is a great fear reliever.

Not only is God with you and in you; God is also for you. Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us, no one can defeat us” (NCV).

When a shepherd leads the sheep, there are always guard dogs at the back, nipping at the sheep to keep them moving in the right direction.
The Bible says that the guard dogs in your life are goodness and mercy. God gives you the things you don’t deserve — that is his goodness. And, he doesn’t give you the things you do deserve — that’s his mercy.
Do you ever feel the smile of God in your life? If you don’t, you don’t really know God. Some people think God is like the angry parent who’s mad at them all the time. No. God is for you!

If you want to be happy, you need to get up every morning and say, “God, thank you that you’re going to be with me today, you’re going to be in me today, and you’re going to be for me today.”

Isn’t that great news? If God is with you, and God is in you, and God is for you, what in the world are you doing being depressed?

Talk It Over

• How do you think God wants you to access his power that is available to you?
• When do you doubt God’s presence the most? Ask God for faith to see him at work in your life.
• How will your perspective of a difficult situation change now that you know God is on your side?

How Could God Forget You?

How Could God Forget You? by Rick Warren

“[Jesus] looked up at Zacchaeus and called him by name! ‘Zacchaeus!’ he said.” (Luke 19:5a LB) All of Zacchaeus’ life he’d been ridiculed and rejected, first for his appearance and then for his sinful life. But Jesus not only looked at him; Jesus also showed that he knew him by calling Zacchaeus by name. Imagine the shock Zacchaeus must have felt! How did Jesus know his name? God not only knows where you are; he knows who you are. He knows what you’re going through, why you’re going through it, and how you feel about it. He knows you better than you know yourself. He cares about you personally. The name Zacchaeus means “pure one.” That’s the last thing you would think of when you think of a corrupt government official. He was anything but pure. And yet Jesus, by calling Zacchaeus by name, was saying, “Hey, pure one, I’m coming to your house today.” Jesus was affirming what he saw in Zacchaeus, not what he was. You may be afraid to get close to Jesus because you think he’s going to scold you for all the things you’ve done wrong. But Jesus wants to affirm you. He wants to let you know how much he loves you. “Can a mother forget her nursing child? Can she feel no love for the child she has borne? But even if that were possible, I would not forget you! See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands” (Isaiah 49:15-16a NLT). When Jesus died on the cross, stretched out his arms, and the soldiers put nails through his hands, your name was engraved there. When you get to Heaven, there will be no scars on anyone except Jesus. He’s going to have those scars for eternity to remind us how much he loves us, to say, “Do you think I could forget you? Not a chance! This is how much you matter to me.” Talk It Over Does the idea that God knows you better than you know yourself give you comfort or make you uncomfortable? Why? What are some traits or gifts that others see in you that you don’t notice about yourself? What about your past or present struggles makes you question God’s love and acceptance of you? *** *** ***

Where Can You Find True Freedom?

Where Can You Find True Freedom? by Rick Warren

“So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.” (John 8:36 NIV) The world defines freedom as a life without any restraint: "I can do anything I want to do and say anything I want to say without anybody telling me what to do." Everybody else may get burned by you, but you get to do it your own way. The world says you can have your freedom, but only by being totally selfish. Yet, the Bible says the only way to true freedom is through Jesus: “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:36 NIV). Real freedom is freedom from fear, where you’re truly free from guilt, worry, bitterness, and death. You’re free to quit pretending because you’re free to be yourself. How do you get rid of those kinds of fears? By letting God love you! The apostle John teaches that, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear” (1 John 4:18a). When you realize how much God loves you, you’ll begin to live in true freedom. In fact, you worship God when you recognize that “God is love.” It is an act of worship to agree that he is a loving, caring, generous God and that we can “rely on the love God has for us” (1 John 4:16a).  Talk It Over If you struggle to believe God loves you, why do you think you have unbelief in this area of faith? How has God shown his love to you? How can you express your freedom in Christ? *** *** ***

God Says You're Worth Being Found

God Says You're Worth Being Found by Rick Warren

“For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” (John 3:16 NLT) Some people believe calling someone spiritually lost is a put-down. But it’s not. It’s actually a great compliment to be called spiritually lost. There’s a difference between losing something and misplacing something. If I misplace something, it means it wasn’t important to me. But if I lose it, it’s valuable enough for me to try to find it. You misplace a bobby pin; you lose your glasses. People are only lost if they’re worth finding. Think of it this way: The value of a masterpiece doesn’t go down when it’s lost; it goes up. Human beings lose a lot when they aren’t connected to God. We lose our direction, God’s protection, our potential, our happiness, and our future home in Heaven — just to name a few. But there’s one thing we don’t lose: our value. God loved you enough to send his very best — Jesus. The most famous verse in the Bible says, “For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 NLT). You matter so much to God that he underwent a rescue mission to come get you. He came to Earth as a little baby so that one day he could die on a wooden cross for your sin. Talk It Over For more on God’s love for you and to find out how you can have a relationship with God, watch the video “What Does It Mean to Follow Christ?” at rickwarren.org/know-god. How does the way you look at the spiritually lost compare to the way God sees them? What difference does John 3:16 make in your life? Who in your life is spiritually lost and needs to understand his or her value to God? How will you reach out to that person this week? *** *** ***

Why Did God Make You Unique?

Why Did God Make You Unique? by Rick Warren

“Bring to me all the people who are mine, whom I made for my glory, whom I formed and made.” (Isaiah 43:7 NCV) About 20 years ago I came up with a little acrostic called SHAPE to talk about the five things that make you, you. SHAPE is the way God wired you for your life. Every area of your life is influenced by the way you’re shaped. Spiritual gifts, heart, abilities, personality, experiences — these are the five things that make you, you. In that combination of spiritual gifts, you have heart, passion, and interests. Why do you think you have those interests? Because God gave them to you. If you’re interested in golf or hunting or sewing or art or music, where do you think you got that interest? You got it from God. He wired it into your system. If we all liked to do the same things, there would be a lot less accomplished in the world. So God made you unique, and there’s nobody else like you. Why should you even care? 1. Because your SHAPE reveals God’s purpose for you. The way you find out what God wants you to do with your life is to discover how he shaped you. But here’s the thing: God won’t force you to do his plan. You can waste your life. You can use it on all kinds of personal, self-centered things and totally miss God’s plan and purpose for your life. In fact, most people do. That’s the tragedy. And that’s why they’re so frustrated! They’re trying to be something somebody else wants them to be rather than what God wants them to be. 2. Because your SHAPE equips you to serve God. There is a life mission that God has for you that nobody else on this planet can do. Maybe you’ve missed that mission. Maybe you’ve missed serving God. I’m saying, “Let’s start today. Let’s make the rest of your life the best of your life.” God will never ask you to do anything in life that he hasn’t already given you the ability to do. So you look at your abilities and realize, “I’m good at that. That’s what God wants me to do.” 3. Because life is a test. This life is preparation for the next life in Heaven. God says, “This is a test. I’m testing you to see what you will do with what you’ve been given on Earth. Based on that, I will determine what I give you to do in Heaven for eternity.” 4. Because it shows God’s glory. When you use your SHAPE and you do what God made you to do, it not only feels good to you, but it also makes God smile. Iranaeus was a great Christian leader in the first century who said, “The glory of God is a human being fully alive.” You know what makes God smile? When he looks down and sees someone using the talents that God gave him for God’s glory. Isaiah 43:7 says, “Bring to me all the people who are mine, whom I made for my glory, whom I formed and made” (NCV). If you didn’t bring glory to God, you wouldn’t be alive. God made you to enjoy you! Talk It Over What are your spiritual gifts? How are you using them to serve others? What are the unique personality traits and abilities with which God has equipped you to serve? Is there something God is asking you to do that you didn’t think you were capable of doing? How do you think God equipped you to do that very thing? *** *** ***

Who Is God's Favorite?

Who Is God's Favorite? by Rick Warren

“[The promise] is not only for those who live under the law of Moses but for anyone who lives with faith like that of Abraham.” (Romans 4:16 NCV) God doesn’t play favorites — regardless of your background, your status, or your sin. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been a religious person or a non-religious person or if you have any religious background at all. Romans 4:16 says, “[The promise] is not only for those who live under the law of Moses but for anyone who lives with faith like that of Abraham” (NCV). Who are these people who live under the Law of Moses? The Jews. The Jewish people were given the ways of God before anyone else. Have you ever thought about why the Jews were called God’s chosen people? Does God love them more than he loves the rest of us? No. They were chosen for a purpose — to spread the message that there is one true God to everybody else. They were kind of like the missionaries to the rest of us. Now God has taken that task and given it to the Church, which includes Jews, Gentiles, and everybody else who puts their faith in Christ. God says his salvation is available to anybody who opens up his or her heart in faith: “Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved” (Romans 10:13 NIV). There are no quotas in Heaven. It doesn’t say only really good people will be saved if they call on the name of the Lord or really religious people or really smart people. Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. The sad thing is that even though many people know that God offers his gift of grace, they still try to work their way into Heaven. They think that something in their lives makes them good enough so they don’t need to receive God’s gift of salvation through Christ. You may have done some really nifty things in life, but if you think they’re going to get you into Heaven, forget it. The only way any of us are going to get in is by receiving God’s gift of grace, which is available to every person. Talk It Over What are the efforts you’ve made or the character traits you’ve nurtured that you believe will help your salvation? What do you believe is your part in the Church’s task to spread the message of salvation to those who have not heard? What does it mean to “call on the name of the Lord”? *** *** ***

God Brings Out Your Best as You Follow Your Calling

God Brings Out Your Best as You Follow Your Calling by Rick Warren

“Fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:6-7 NIV) When Timothy joined Paul on his missionary journey, he was still a very young man. Paul sent him to a city called Ephesus to help start and lead a church. Even though Timothy had a problem with fear, God was still able to use him. There are three lessons we can learn from Timothy about how to fulfill God’s calling on our lives. 1. If you’re going to fulfill your calling, you must develop the gifts God gave you. “Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for the believers in your speech, your conduct, your love, faith, and purity. Do not neglect the spiritual gift that is in you.... Practice these things and devote yourself to them, in order that your progress may be seen by all” (1 Timothy 4:12, 14-15 TEV). Paul also told Timothy to “fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands. For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:6-7 NIV). As a believer, you have a responsibility to develop the talent and gifts God has given you to use the rest of your life. 2. If you’re going to fulfill your calling, you must refuse to be distracted. God tells Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:16, “Keep a close watch on how you live and on your teaching. Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you” (NLT). It’s easy these days to get sidetracked by a desire to build your business, your family, your career, and your savings. But you will never fulfill your purpose when you’re wasting your life on the Internet and on your phone. You’ve got to keep the most important things in focus. 3. If you’re going to fulfill your calling, you must give God your very best. “Run your best in the race of faith, and win eternal life for yourself; for it was to this life that God called you” (1 Timothy 6:12a TEV). God has called you to a specific task, and it can only be accomplished when you give it the best of your time, effort, gifts, and focus. Paul says about Timothy, “I have no one else like Timothy” (Philippians 2:20a NLT). Can you imagine a greater epitaph? There was no one in the world like Timothy. He was focused. He was committed to the call of God on his life, nobody could distract or discourage him, and he gave God his best. As you follow God’s calling, God will bring out the best in you. Talk It Over How are you developing the gifts God has given you? In what ways can you eliminate the distractions that are keeping you from focusing on your calling? To what daily tasks do you give your best? Do you give the same effort to your ministry and calling? *** *** ***

What to Do When It Makes No Sense

What to Do When It Makes No Sense by Rick Warren

“I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I — and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me.… I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance.” (Job 42:1-3, 6 NLT) Instead of asking God “Why?” you need to learn to trust God in things you don’t understand. For 37 chapters in the book of Job, Job asks the “why” questions: “Why is this happening to me? Why are you allowing this? Why so much pain? Why so much discomfort? Why haven’t you answered my prayers?” In chapter 38, Job stops asking “why.” And God says, “Now I’d like to ask you a few questions.” And for the next two chapters, God barrages Job with questions that only God can answer. He asks things like, “Where were you when I made the universe? Can you explain the law of gravity?” And, after two chapters, Job realizes that he is just a man, and his knowledge is limited. Who is he to question God? Job stops questioning, and he starts trusting. He replied to the Lord, “I know that you can do anything, and no one can stop you. You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’ It is I — and I was talking about things I knew nothing about, things far too wonderful for me.… I take back everything I said, and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance” (Job 42:1-3, 6 NLT). What do you do in a situation where you can’t see the whole picture, things aren’t clear, and it makes no sense to you what’s happening? You remind yourself of the things about God that you do know. Even in the middle of his doubts, Job affirmed what he knew to be true about God: God is loving (Job 10:12), God is all powerful (Job 36:22), God is in control (Job 34:13), God had a plan for his life (Job 23:14), God would protect him (Job 5:11). I don’t know what you’re dealing with in your life, but I will tell you this: God is passionately and intimately aware of every detail that you’re going through right now. He’s paying attention to your every breath. Nothing misses God’s attention. You may not understand why you’re going through what you’re going through, but you need to say this to God: “I know you’re good; I know you’re loving; I know you’re powerful; I know you notice the details of my life; I know you’re in control; I know you have a plan; I know you will protect me.” Then, you need to trust God — no matter what. Whatever you’re going through, tell God exactly how you feel. He can handle it! Accept help from others. Stop asking “why,” and start trusting God for the things you don’t understand. Talk It Over What are the things that you know to be true about God? How do you know they’re true? How do those truths help you trust God more? Write down a prayer to God that affirms who he is and why you can trust him and that thanks him for his loving attention to you. *** *** ***

It's Never Too Late to Start on Your Life Calling

It's Never Too Late to Start on Your Life Calling by Rick Warren

“Now here I am, eighty-five years old. I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out, and I am just as ready to fight now as I was then. So give me the mountain country the LORD promised me that day long ago.” (Joshua 14:10b-12a NCV) If you’re going to follow God’s calling on your life, you’ve got to believe it’s never, never too late. After Joshua sent the 12 spies into the Promised Land, they returned and reported that the land was too hard a place for God’s people to settle. Because of their unbelief, God had a nation wander around in the desert for another 40 years, and an entire generation died because they did not believe in God’s promises. But Caleb and Joshua believed, and they got to live. When the Israelites returned to the Promised Land 40 years later, Caleb was 85 years old and living his second chance. He said, “Now here I am, eighty-five years old. I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out, and I am just as ready to fight now as I was then. So give me the mountain country the LORD promised me that day long ago” (Joshua 14:10b-12a NCV). “Give me the mountain country.” I love that! The land Caleb wanted was full of giants and cities fortified with great walls. He was saying to God, “Give me the biggest assignment. Give me the hardest city. Give me the place with the biggest giants. Give me the mountain regions. I don’t want some easy place. I know I’m 85 years old, but I’ve still got it in me to do great things for you.” When I went to the store recently to buy a birthday card for my granddaughter, I noticed something I’d never seen before in the greeting card section. They now have an entire section that offers birthday cards for the 80th, 85th, 90th, 95th, and even 100th birthday! Growing up, I didn’t see those kinds of cards, because everybody lives longer now. When my dad was born, the average age of an American man was 76. That life expectation has gone up at least 12 years in his lifetime. Some of you think it’s time to hang it up. I’m telling you it’s time to get it down and dust it off! Do you think God’s going to let you live 30 more years just to play golf? Here’s a word that’s not in the Bible: retirement. You may stop working, but you keep serving the Lord. You have more wisdom and experience now, and God is not going to waste that. At the age of 85, Caleb began the greatest mission of his life. Moses was 80 when God called him to set God’s people free. Abraham was 79 when he received God’s call. If you are in the Caleb generation, you have to believe that it’s never too late to start on your life calling. The best is yet to come! Talk It Over If you are in the Caleb generation, how do you want your “retirement years” to count for God’s Kingdom? How will you pursue your calling in the next 10, 20, or 30 years? How does the way you save for retirement reflect what you want to accomplish for God? No matter what stage you are at in life, what are you doing to pursue what you believe God has called you to do with your life? *** *** ***

How to Stand Against Popular Opinion

How to Stand Against Popular Opinion by Rick Warren

“Why is the LORD taking us to this country only to have us die in battle? Our wives and our little ones will be carried off as plunder! Wouldn’t it be better for us to return to Egypt?” (Numbers 14:3 NLT) In 1979 I was finishing up seminary in Fort Worth, Texas, and I felt like God was calling me to Southern California to start Saddleback Church. So I phoned a guy that I respected a lot and told him what I thought God wanted me to do. You know what he told me? “Rick, that’s the dumbest idea I ever heard. You go out to California, and you’ll never be heard from again. It’s not going to happen.” He poured cold water all over my dream! Any time you get serious about using your life the way God wants you to use it, there are going to be people who oppose it. You’re going to have friends and maybe even family members who oppose you, because Satan is going to throw everything he can at you to keep you from fulfilling your calling. One reason why so few people actually fulfill God’s calling is because they are unwilling to go against popular opinion. If you want to follow God’s calling on your life, you must be willing to reject negative advice, no matter who it comes from. The Bible says in Numbers 14:2-3, “Their voices rose in a great chorus of protest against Moses and Aaron. ‘If only we had died in Egypt, or even here in the wilderness!’ they complained. ‘Why is the LORD taking us to this country only to have us die in battle? Our wives and our little ones will be carried off as plunder! Wouldn’t it be better for us to return to Egypt?’” (NLT) When faced with difficult circumstances, the Israelites decided they actually preferred slavery to freedom because it was safe. Rather than following God and doing what he had called them to do, they wanted to go back to their old way of life. But one of their leaders, Caleb, had uncommon courage. He decided he was going to face the challenges with God’s help, even if he was scared. He was ready to reject negative advice in order to follow God’s calling. In fact, Caleb didn’t just receive negative advice. Numbers 14:10 says, “The whole community began to talk about stoning Joshua and Caleb. Then the glorious presence of the LORD appeared to all the Israelites at the Tabernacle.” I love the fact that God’s presence saved Caleb and Joshua. That will happen in your life, too. Pioneers always get the arrow in the back. You’ve got to determine now to reject negative advice if you’re going to go after God’s calling in your life. Talk It Over What slavery are you willing to go back to rather than move forward and take a risk? When you evaluate the advice you’ve received lately from people you love and trust, how much of it helps you move in the direction of your calling? How much of it is negative advice? Why is it so difficult sometimes to go against popular opinion or the advice of our friends? *** *** ***

Who Can You Call for Help?

Who Can You Call for Help? by Rick Warren

“By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ.” (Galatians 6:2 NCV) When we go through major disappointments in life, our natural reaction is to pull back and isolate ourselves. We want to handle it ourselves. We want to keep our losses and failures and mistakes and crises a secret. We want to withdraw. This is a terrible idea! When you go through disappointment or crisis or loss is when you need your friends the most. You need to accept help from others. God doesn’t intend for you to handle all the pain and stress in your life by yourself. We were wired for each other. We need each other. We’re social beings. The first thing God said in the Garden of Eden is, “It’s not good for man to be alone.” We’re made to be in relationships. Job 6:14 says, “When desperate people give up on God Almighty, their friends, at least, should stick with them” (MSG). There will be times in your life when you are in so much pain you will say, “I don’t even believe in God right now!” You need to have friends who will come alongside you and say, “That’s OK. We’ll believe God for you right now.” There will come a time when you’ll say, “I don’t have any faith right now. I’m full of doubt.” That’s when you need your friends to step in and say, “That’s OK. We will have faith for you. We will trust God for you in this.” “By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2 NCV). What is the law of Christ? It’s this: Love your neighbor as yourself. The Bible commands us to help each other. Every time you help somebody who’s going through pain, you are fulfilling the law of Christ. Trying to handle your trouble yourself will only make you more tired and stressed out. You need to accept the help of others and let your friends carry you through it. Talk It Over Who are the people in your life who support you through your loss and disappointment? How do you do the same for them? How can a small group provide the kind of support you need when you’re in trouble? What can we learn about God through the support of our biblical friendships? *** *** ***

What Forgiveness Really Is

What Forgiveness Really Is by Rick Warren

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34 (NIV) Forgiveness may be the most misused, misapplied, and misunderstood quality in our culture. We think we know what forgiveness is all about, but we really don’t. Before reading further, take a minute to do this little quiz by deciding if each statement is true or false. A person should not be forgiven until he asks for it. Forgiving includes minimizing the offense and the pain caused. Forgiveness includes restoring trust and reuniting a relationship. You haven’t really forgiven until you’ve forgotten the offense. When you see somebody hurt, it is your duty to forgive the offender. When you read the Bible and see what God has to say about forgiveness, you discover that all five of those statements are false. How did you do? We’re going to spend the next few days looking at what forgiveness really is, because most people don’t understand forgiveness. First, real forgiveness is unconditional. There’s no attachment to it. You don’t earn it. You don’t deserve it. You don’t bargain for it. Forgiveness is not based on a promise to never do it again. You offer it to somebody whether they ask for it or not. When Jesus stretched out his hands on the cross and said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing,” nobody had asked for it (Luke 23:34 NIV). Nobody had said, “Please forgive me, Jesus, for what they’re doing to you.” He just offered it. He took the initiative. Second, forgiveness isn’t minimizing the seriousness of the offense. When somebody asks for your forgiveness and you say, “It’s no big deal. It really didn’t hurt,” that actually cheapens forgiveness. If it wasn’t a big deal, you don’t need forgiveness and you don’t need to offer it. Forgiveness is only for the big stuff. You don’t use it for slights that are just minor issues. If something really requires forgiveness, then you should not minimize it when somebody asks you for forgiveness. You shouldn’t say it wasn’t a big deal. It was a big deal! If it wasn’t a big deal, just say, “You don’t need to ask forgiveness.” But if it is a big deal, then you need to admit it. There are a lot of big deals in life. Have you noticed that? But there is a difference in being wounded and being wronged. Being wounded requires patience and acceptance, not forgiveness, because the person did it unintentionally. Being wronged requires forgiveness. Talk It Over What are the wounds that you’ve been waiting for someone to apologize for but that you just need to accept? Why is it so hard to offer forgiveness to someone who has not asked for it? How can you move past this? How does your attitude on forgiveness change when you consider how Christ forgave you? *** *** ***